I Never Dreamed a Relationship

Could Be This Painful!

By Barb Peck

When I was 19, I married a man named Bill. We were in love and happy together, but I didn’t know Bill had grown up in a strife-filled home, that he’d been abused by his alcoholic mother, and that his father had actually shot a gun at him when he was a teenager!   

It seems incredible to me now that those heart-wrenching hurts never came to light while we were dating. Only later would I discover the devastating effect that those scars would have on our marriage. 

After six years of marriage, our little girl was born. For awhile, Bill was a good and caring father. Our marriage was not great, but 0K. But things would soon get worse.

We had our second child, a little boy. I was thrilled!  But Bill stayed away from our son and became insanely jealous of my relationship with him.  Maybe he hated to see any of my attention go to another male, however young.  It was as if a switch inside had been flicked on.

I Felt as if I  Were Trapped in a Prison

When our son was baptized, Bill stopped coming to church with us. He increasingly became emotionally abusive to us. For example, I threw a birthday party for Bill.  But instead of feeling blessed, he became angry. As our guests watched in astonishment, Bill took my favorite flower pots and smashed them onto the driveway. My boss was there and whispered to me ,“he hates you!” 

Bill was equally verbally abusive. For example, he angrily told our son, “You will never amount to anything in life!”  In addition, Bill was controlling and tried to keep me away from other people. 

I was afraid of Bill’s anger. My kids and I had to band together to protect each other.  We prayed that he would change and come to faith in Christ. I guess I always hoped that if I loved him enough, he’d change. 

In hopes that our conflicted marriage could be healed, I begged him to go with me to our pastor for counseling. He refused. To Bill, every problem was always  “out there;”  And he never said “I’m sorry.”

After 22 years of an increasingly abusive marriage, I felt hopeless. My dreams of a happy marriage were dying. I finally went to see a counselor alone. Comforted by her compassion and sensitivity, I opened up and managed to pour out the entire painful story.

When I finished, she paused. I wondered if she was praying for guidance.  Then, with a worried look, she gave me this stern warning:  “I have never said this before.  But I’m afraid of what your husband might do to you!  So, I urge you to get out before he hurts you or your children!”  In my heart, I knew she was right. 

But God Was Doing Something Wonderful for my Kids

Throughout this horrible season of my life, God was providing something wonderful for my children.  By now they were 11 and 15.  Every summer, they went to my parents’ farm in South Dakota for several weeks. There, they played hard, worked hard, and soaked up the loving Christian support of their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I believe that the love of my family is one of the reasons that I have such great kids today! 

I decided that the safest time for me to leave my husband was while the kids were at the farm. Finally, when the fateful day came, I literally put my life in God’s hands, walked out with only the clothes on my back, obtained a restraining order against my husband, and filed for divorce. Some wonderful friends took me in that day and gave me clothes and money to buy a plane ticket.

A neighbor couple called me with a chilling warning.  They had seen Bill enter our house with a gun!  When I learned this, I left town immediately.

Family members loaned me the money to hire an attorney,  and my employer offered to hold my job for me for as long as it might take. Best of all, my entire family and many friends rejoiced with me that my long nightmare was over and that we were safe!

Later, I asked myself how God made a difference in my life during this terrible time of trial. I realized that the Lord gave me strength daily. He worked through family and friends to protect us and provide for us. And, as the kids and I cried out to God,  He protected us from further harm. He surrounded us with a shield insulating us from my husband’s verbal tirades!  He gave us inner peace amidst a sea of anger.  Without the Lord’s continual help, we couldn’t have made it!